Thank you so much for writing this! I am in a similar position to you right now, and I think I am a similar person to the one you describe. But I am wondering if it is a case of values? The need to control comes from a potential value misalignment/incompatibility (i.e. I see you damaging your health and health is a top value for me, so I am trying to express that need). Would the more helpful response here be to realise that you're simply mismatched on values, and follow through on your boundary/needs in a partner? It seemed that way for you and your partner. After all, if he had taken responsibility for his patterns and knew more of what you know, wouldn't it have been easier? Maybe your need was to have someone that understood you emotionally and took responsibility for themselves more.